❝Abraham went early in the morning to the place where he had stood before the Lord; and he looked down towards Sodom and Gomorrah and towards all the land of the Plain, and saw the smoke of the land going up like the smoke of a furnace.❞ Genesis 19:27-28
Reflection by Carole Wild
Autumn is my favorite season. I love the cooler, crisper weather and the turning leaves. I don’t like October. The one good thing October brought, my second child, was born on the 22nd. The rest is pretty sad.
My brother died at 33 from a brain inflammation in October 1995. My dad died at 80 in October 1999. And my mother in law died at 91 in October 2011. My most recent loss, my husband of almost 30 years, died at 72 on October 13, 2015. You might think that his loss would be my greatest, but in October 1988, I lost God.
You might even say I threw God away. My mother died in an automobile accident in October 1988. She was 65 and had just retired. A seventeen-year-old boy crossed the yellow line. They both died at the scene. My dad was injured so for the next year I came home almost every weekend. I tried going to First Methodist Church, but all my mother’s friends would tell me how much they loved and missed her. I would end up crying every time.
And I blamed God for letting her die. I knew he hadn’t caused it, but he allowed it to happen. And so, I pushed him out of my life. For 22 years, I stayed away from churches and from God. But God didn’t throw me away.
In 2011, my daughter was addicted to alcohol. After abusing it for several years, the last couple of years had been really bad as she went from job to job, rental house to rental house. A good friend of mine was trying to counsel me because the more I tried to help my daughter, the more I was enabling her to continue her addiction. My friend finally convinced me to go to Al Anon and even went with me. There I finally realized what I was doing to “save” my daughter was actually allowing her to continue her abuse. So I quit “helping.”
She was forced to go to rehab because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. I was suffering from guilt because I didn’t have God to help me understand that I was doing what I needed to do. This same friend saw what I needed and invited me to St. Anne’s. I walked in and God said, “Welcome back, I’ve been expecting you.”